pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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