I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
