When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
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