All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
