kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
