can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
