You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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