so that wasnt chicken after all
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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