So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
