If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Randomize
