am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
