Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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