What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
3 2 1 whiskey
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
