I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
