pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize