i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
