so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
