everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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