Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
