who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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