to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
