whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
