i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
