You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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