you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
