and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
