I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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