I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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