Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Randomize
