The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
