it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize