i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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