just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize