Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
