I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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