But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
