Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
