SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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