apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
