My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
