There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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