Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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