11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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