I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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