i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
