Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
