my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
