If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
