My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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