i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
