He had one of those small greek statue penises
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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