# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize