just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
