oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize