I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
