ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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