She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
