She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
