ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
