Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
