I think my fart just growled at me.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
