At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
