Already got asked if we're dating
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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