Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
