I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I would fuck him just for his dog
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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