I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
This is my life. Enjoy the view
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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