you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
